-
- Student counselling
- Mental health advice and support
- Resources and self-help materials
- Self-help books
- Online self-help resources
- Self-help for chaotic eating
- After a traumatic event
- Exam anxiety management techniques
- Homesickness
- How to keep calm during exams
- The First Year Transition
- Are You A Chronic Worrier?
- Long Distance Relationships at University
- Stress Management
- Assertiveness
- Procrastination Prevention
- Body Image
- Coping with Depression
- Managing Difficult Emotions
- Family Matters: Coping with Unexpected Changes
- Perfectionism - a double-edged sword
- Help for compulsive eaters
- Complementary Therapies
- Support for international students
- Concerns about another
- Confidentiality and record keeping
- In an emergency
- Mitigation
- FAQs
- About Wellbeing Services
- Make an appointment
Assertiveness
- Do you find yourself saying "yes" to others’ requests when you really feel like saying "no?"
- Are you unable to express your discontent with a friend or partner, even if you think it’s justified?
- Do you find it difficult to accept a compliment?
- If you answered "yes" to any of these questions you may have a problem being assertive.
What is Assertiveness?
Assertiveness is standing up for yourself in a way that does not violate the rights of another person. It’s a direct, honest and appropriate expression of your feelings and opinions.
Being aggressive is a way of standing up for yourself that disregards the rights of the other person. It results in intimidating, humiliating or controlling another person. You may have been uncomfortable being assertive in the past because you confused it with being aggressive.
Beginner’s Techniques
Use assertive talk
You have the right to be treated with fairness and justice, so do not allow others to take advantage of you. Be clear and specific about what you want, think and feel. Examples: “Excuse me, but I was here first.” “Please turn down your music.” “Since you ask, I’d rather stay in or watch a film instead of going out to a club again.”
Disagree passively and actively
When you disagree with someone, don’t pretend and just “keep the peace” by smiling, nodding, or paying close attention. Instead, change the topic or look away. Disagree more actively and openly when you feel more confident on the subject.
Ask why
If you are asked to do something by a person in authority that seems unfair or unreasonable to you, ask for the reason(s). You are an adult and should not accept authority without question. Ask for an explanation that is convincing, and raise any legitimate objections you may have.
Talk about yourself
When you have done something you consider worthwhile or interesting, share it with others. Let people know your own views and how you feel about things.
Assertiveness involves using a range of skills that takes practice. The first step- and possibly the hardest- is developing a belief system which allows you to be assertive. This means believing you have the right to say “no”, to ask for help, to express anger, and to make mistakes at times. Assertiveness doesn’t mean that you will always get what you want- but it does increase the chance that others will treat you fairly and with respect.
