Self-help for Chaotic Eating: Tackling the real issues

Below are examples of personal and emotional issues that often affect people with disordered or chaotic eating patterns.  Making peace with food means being willing to tackle the underlying problems. Here are some common difficulties that often lie underneath a troubled relationship to food:

Unresolved issues to do with personal identity

  • Feelings of inadequacy, insecurity and low self-esteem
  • Problems with trust or intimacy
  • Over-dependency on others (or external measures) to provide self-worth
  • Difficulty recognising and responding to one’s own feelings/needs

Unrealistic attitudes, expectations and beliefs

  • Believing that thinness will solve all life’s problems and result in acceptance by others
  • Expecting and demanding perfection of oneself
  • Viewing the world with an all-or-nothing lens

Interpersonal and relationship issues

  • Avoidance of honest communication (particularly of one’s own needs and feelings)
  • Fears of being rejected or abandoned by others
  • Feeling over-responsible for family problems, especially if relatives have experienced their own issues with health or eating
  • Difficulties setting, maintaining and defending personal boundaries

Problematic coping skills

  • Avoiding or denying feelings (especially anger, fear, guilt and envy)
  • Non-assertive responses, eg never saying “no” or accepting compliments
  • Harmful or self-destructive responses to stress/problems, e.g. bingeing, cutting, self-criticism 
  • Engaging in ritualistic behaviour, e.g. rigid food regimes, compulsive behaviours and routines

Other traumatic or difficult life events

  • Childhood sexual abuse, sexual assault or rape
  • Serious illness, accidents or other threats to health
  • Major bereavements and loss
  • Bullying, harassment or other forms of physical and psychological abuse

Recovering from an eating disorder takes time. Annual events and celebrations such as holidays, birthdays or parties may trigger relapse. Stress or unexpected crises may temporarily knock you back into old ways of coping. However, with time and patience, you can eventually make peace with food.  The best way to ensure a lasting recovery is to think about what issues have become entangled with food, and then begin to deal with them in ways that do not involve disordered eating.